


Hearts Pounding.

by izzaaa1114



Category: ATEEZ (Band), K-pop
Genre: Action/Adventure, Drama, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Other, Violence, theory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 07:34:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30035253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izzaaa1114/pseuds/izzaaa1114
Summary: Eight souls were brought together, but as life goes on, they all have to grow up and go their separate ways.However, they are pulled back together and are forced into a so-called, "promised dream" that will soon be their nightmare.-THIS IS BASED OFF OF MY OWN PERSONAL THEORY!
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Kudos: 2





	Hearts Pounding.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My dearest partner for calling me out and making me realize that I should seriously start on this](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+dearest+partner+for+calling+me+out+and+making+me+realize+that+I+should+seriously+start+on+this).



> Fair warning: These updates will be very inconsistent because of work and just outside life in general, so please be patient with me. Also I WILL be writing any TW's if needed be here. 
> 
> !!TW!!  
> Mention of internalized homophobia(not really but also just in case?)

I knew it was the beginning of the end when Park Seonghwa told me he was in love.   
Don’t get me wrong; using your closest friend’s discovery of first love as an excuse for your whole friend group falling apart seems like it is toxic, but in the end it’s true.   
But at the same time, I feel as though I could have easily prevented everything from happening. I could have prevented the unfortunate series of events by just building up that courage and telling him that I loved him. That I was the one who he needed to be with, not the girl he saw dancing.   
Yet I just didn’t do it soon enough. 

I remember the day he told me like the back of my hand. 

It was during the school year--pretty much close to the end, or at least it felt like it, the season had gone by so fast--and Jongho had finally made it onto the basketball team. We were so happy for him; we have all known each other since primary, and all he wanted to do was get onto the team. Years of practicing with him and crying with him had finally paid off, and we wanted to celebrate.   
We all gathered at the back exit of the school building at the end of the day, waiting for our adored friend to walk out of those doors. Even though Wooyoung was always jealous of Jongho for being the most babied, even he was happy for him; he even expressed it by practically throwing himself onto the poor kid when he finally walked out. If I am being completely honest, I was glad he did; I was certain that everyone else was going to pile onto him if Wooyoung hadn’t been the first to do it.   
Jongho just laughed and playfully shoved Wooyoung off of him. He always claimed to not be a huge “hug fan,” but we all knew that deep down he always appreciated the affection.  
Everyone quickly gathered around him, all talking at the same time. I was doing the same, of course; I felt like a proud dad, and I’m sure everyone else did.  
“Jongho-ah, you must feel so happy!” I said. I moved in to place a hand on his shoulder, and of course he gently brushed it off. I just let my arm drop back to my side. “You finally made it!”   
Jongho went to answer, but Mingi and Yunho came in from behind him, one of each of their arms going to drape across his shoulders. “Gummy, we all knew you could do it!” Mingi said, and of course Yunho was quick to chime in.  
“Gummy? No no; now that he’s in with the big boys, you got to refer to him as bear.” Yunho said, and then San decided to step in by playfully smacking the two friendly giants with his jacket. They both retreated off of Jongho, and he took his place by resting his elbow on Jongho’s shoulder.   
“Alright, alright. We have to give him some time to breathe, yeah?” San said, looking to Jongho for approval. The younger looked very relieved, so San took that as a sign to keep going. “We all called our parents, right? We can spend the weekend in the warehouse?”   
Everyone nodded in agreement. I was surprised that my parents even said yes; it wasn’t that they were strict, they were just the kind that wanted me to just be a little too safe.   
I was so focused on watching Jongho react to the interactions happening that I hardly noticed an arm gently bump mine. I turned my head to look and see who accidentally bumped me, and instead I was met with the smile that I could easily recognize from hundreds of miles away. The smile that can both make my heart stop and also pound a million miles per second at the same time.   
Seonghwa just bumped me again, which I was grateful for. If he didn’t, I would have just been stuck staring at him. “Hey,” he spoke, and then gestured over to Yeosang, “I’m surprised his dad is letting him go. This will be the first time he has let him go anywhere since the incident last month.”  
Ah, the incident last month. It’s not too complicated; we had all forgotten who was paying for the snacks at the corner store, and the owner chased us out. Seonghwa had to go back and pay for all of it.   
I just nodded, my eyes wandering over to the blonde. He was always reserved, but he also let himself have fun when he wanted. Since we were on school grounds still, Yeosang was just standing still and playing with the strap of his book bag that was tight against his chest, but there was obvious glee in his eyes.   
“I’m happy for him.” I finally replied, looking over at Hwa again. “He has been so miserable, I think tonight is a night where we all celebrate for each other.”  
Seonghwa grinned again, and then he glanced around. “Yeah, about that…” he suddenly moved in closer to me to get to my ear, which just sent me into an internal panic. “I have to talk to you about something, ‘kay?” He asked, and before I could even process words or emotions he stood straight up again and whistled to get everyone’s attention.   
He was saying words, but I wasn’t processing. He had to talk to me? The only thought I had was that he felt the same, and that my feelings for him weren’t just weird, and that we would be able to actually be ourselves like how he always encouraged us to do. I could feel my ears and cheeks heating up at just the thought of it.   
Seonghwa--once again--brought me out of my head by taking me by the upper arm. My eyes quickly snapped up to meet his, and he tilted his head a bit. “Come on, Joong. We are all heading down.”  
I just nodded silently and started to walk beside him, everyone else a few feet ahead of us. 

\----

The walk from the school to our warehouse is surprisingly not long. It is about a thirty minute walk, which sometimes lasts an hour if we stop by the corner store on our way down. Today, however, the walk felt so long; it may have just been me and my gushy thoughts, or it was because the sun had been especially hot today.   
Either way, by the time we got to the warehouse, I was ready to rest. Mingi and Yunho already took the couch over, both of them laying on top of each other with their legs tangled up in each other. I have asked them both privately if they were in a relationship in which both denied, and yet they were always connected at the hip and holding each other.   
I dropped my bag at a random place on the concrete floor, just leaning my head back and closing my eyes to take in the cool air. I could feel everyone else walking past me, already going to their designated area. Wooyoung and San would go to the mirrors and start warming up to dance. Mingi and Yunho were already in their spot, Yeosang and Jongho would sit on the smaller chair--or at least both try to sit--which will lead to either play fighting or they both sit on the arms of the chair and have an intellectual conversation.   
As for Seonghwa, he always got along with everyone. He would go dance, or mother the two cuddling boys, or join in on the intellectual conversation. I usually went where he went, since he always made me feel so welcomed. That was the perks of being his closest friend.  
Today, however, he stopped right beside me. I opened my eyes and let my head roll to the side a bit to look at him, expecting his smile or maybe his charming eyes. Instead I was met with his side profile; he was watching everyone bond in their usual areas, and he seemed...lost.   
I just watched him for a moment longer, tracing the shape of his nose with my eyes before clearing my throat. “Seonghwa?” I addressed him first, making sure I had his attention first. He kept just watching the others. “Is something wro-”  
“I’m in love.” was all he said in response.  
There was a long moment of silence except for the happy chattering from the other’s. My eyes stayed glued onto him, waiting for him to go into detail. He didn’t; he just kept staring.   
“You are...in love?” I repeated slowly, just in case he cut me off again. I was glad when he didn’t, so I kept going. “Who are you in love with?”  
There was another pause. I was going to talk again, but he finally replied.   
“When I went to the corner store last month, she was there.” he started.   
She. I should have known better. I kept listening, my eyes moving to the floor now. His eyes were now on me.   
“I don’t even know her name. I just...when I went back and saw her dancing, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her, y’know? She was just…the way she moved...the way she looked at me when she noticed me…” he spoke. He suddenly let out an “oh!” of realization and moved to pull up his sleeve. Of course I had to look, and of course it was a bracelet.   
“It says, ‘be free.’ She made it look like she dropped it, but…” he let out a sigh, bringing his wrist close to his chest now. “Before she left, she gave me this look. It was like she was saying, ‘come find me.’” He said. He looked at me again, and I forced myself to look back.   
It was the happiest I had seen Seonghwa. There was such a prominent glow of hope in those eyes of his, and the realization that he will never feel the same about me hit right in that moment.   
I just forced a gentle smile, brought a hand up to gently pat Seonghwa on the cheek, and said, “I won’t tell anyone else until you find her.”  
Seonghwa just gave me his stupid grin again. The grin that made me fall for him in the first place, and now it is known as the grin that broke my heart. He tugged his sleeve down and quickly went over to join Wooyoung and San in dancing.

That night, I remember lying there on a blanket on the floor just hating myself. I still hate myself, of course. I should have never fallen in love with my best friend.  
I should have just ignored my selfish feelings after as well.


End file.
